


The Three Musketeers on Sleeping Pills

by Hufflepuff_Donkey



Category: Les Trois Mousquetaires | The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
Genre: Multi, Paris (City), Swordfighting, musketeers doing musketeer stuff, they have not been acquired illegally and i do have a prescription for them, this will be a series written every night between 9 and 11 under the influence of sleeping pills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:59:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hufflepuff_Donkey/pseuds/Hufflepuff_Donkey
Summary: Athos, Porthos, Aramis and d'Artagnan have grown to be close friends. But when the author starts writing instead of going to bed after taking their medication, who knows what is going to happen... Certainly not the author.





	1. The Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I would like to reiterate that the sleeping pills I take are not illegal in my country and I have a prescription for them. I am not encouraging drug use or any other form of intoxication. Please do not do this at home without having consulted your GP.
> 
> The typos I made while writing this piece have not been edited.

“I think it’s time we went home”, Aramis said.

 

“Are you kidding me ?” Porthos replied. “We only just arrived and the pork is delicious. You should have some.”

 

“No, thank you, I’m full”, the priest sighed.

 

Athos, Porthos, Aramis and d’Artagnan were spending the evening in a small tavern near the city walls of Paris. The candlelit place was crowded with drunkards and people who were asleep despite the loud music coming from the orchestra in the corner. 

 

“Come on”, d’Artagnan said cheerfully. “You must at least taste the white wine. It is delicious.”

 

“Thank you, d’Artagnan”, Aramis said, “but I don’t like alcohol very much. It slows me down, you know.”

 

“Oh”, d’Artagnan said. “Alright. I’ll have more wine for myself.”

 

And he drank the rest of the bottle. Aramis gasped, and rolled his eyes. The others cheered and emptied their mugs as well.

 

“Alright”, Athos shouted. “What are we gonna do tonight, lads ?”

 

“We could go outside and have a swordfight”, d’Artagnan suggested.

 

“Or we could just stay here and eat until we die”, Porthos said.

 

“Or”, Aramis said, making the sign of the cross, “we could go home and pray for the souls of all the damned musketeers in Paris.”

 

This time, everyone rolled their eyes at Aramis.

 

“I vote for the fight”, Athos said.

 

“Me too”, Porthos and d’Artagnan said simultaneously.

 

“I don’t”, Aramis said.

 

“Well, it’s three against one, so you lose”, Athos said. “Let’s go, lads !”

 

They got up, threw some money onto the table and left the tavern. Aramis sighed and followed his friends outside.

 

They all had already drawn their swords. (Not their penises yet.) Athos and Porthos were like fighting a little and d’Artagnan was laughing on the side. They all seemed to have lots of fun. Aarmais joined them and said prayers before drawing his sword and poitning it at Athos.

 

“Fight me”, he yelled.

 

“I’ll be with you in a moment”, Athos replied.

 

Porthos was dancing on his feet and trying to avoid Athos’ sword. His feet were dirty from the mud and straw - all streets in Paris were covered in mud and straw to help the horses’ feet. 

 

“Come on you chicken !” Athos yelled to someone.

 

“Fight me”, Armais repeated.

 

“Alright, I’m done with Porthos, I’ll fight you now”, athos said, leaving Porthos standing there like a traffic light. Which did not yet exist, by the way, I’m a historian.

 

Aramis lifted his sword and a serious look crossed his face. Athos grasped his sword and wiped his forehand with his glove. 

 

“Ready ?” Aramis asked.

 

“If you are”, Athos repleid.

 

Aramais didn’t answer. Opening his mouth, he yelled and ran towards his friend with his sword in front of him. Athos did the same. They crashed into each other and starting fighting very violently. The blades were hitting each other and making noises. 

 

They fought for a ong time. Then they stopped and hugged each other. 

 

“We shouldn’t fight” athos said.

 

“You are right, my friend’ Aramis said. “We are all children of God and we were created the same. Let’s not fight. Make love, not war.”

 

Everyone got really quiet when they heard that.

 

“Are you… are you saying what I think you’re saying ?” d’Artagnan whispered.

 

“Are you suggeesting we all try out sodomy ?” Porthso asked.

 

“Porthos, please !” Athos hissed.

 

“No, he’s right”, Aramis said. “That’s what I was suggesting. Let’s all sleep toghether and have an orgy.”

 

“I’m down for it”, d’Artagnan said.

 

Agtos blsuehed. “Me too”, he said, looking at Aramis with lustful eyes.

 

“Well I’m not !!” Porthos shouted.

 

“You don’t have to come with us”, Aramis camly saisd. “You can go home and sleep or something.”

 

Porthos grabbed his sword and put his hat on rihgt.

 

“That’s exactly what I’mma do”, he said. “Goodbye you… you… fuckpeople.”

 

He left. Aramis, Athos and d’Artagnan went back into the tavern and went upstairs where they rented a room.


	2. They finally go into the room and have The Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The follow-up to the first chapter: will the orgy happen in that first-floor room?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not written under the influence of the same sleeping pills. This time I took my daily dose of anxiety meds before going to bed and writing this (again, I have a prescription for those meds). They make me groggy and very sleepy so I thought I'd bring this story to its dramatic end.

They arrived in the room. Aramis was praying to get an erection at the right time of the night. The others where already taking their pourpoints off or whatever that’s called in Englisj.

“Let’s fuck”, d’Artagnan said.

“YEAH!” everyone replied.

Athos unzipped his pants and made his penis look outside the window. They were all pretty drunk but that didn’t matter.

“Who wants to be first?” d’Artagnan asked.

“Me!” Aramis replied. He was done praying and he had received a blessing from the Lord that he would have as many erections as he wanted whenever he needed them. So that was cool I guess. Thank the Lord.

D’Artagnan frowned.

“But I’m a bottom”, he finally whispered.

“And I’m a top”, Arammis laughed; “so turn around and let me fuck you.”

And so they did. They fucked for a long time. And when they were done fucking, they started fucking all over again. Porthos was probably regretting having left by now.

Eventually Aramis said:

“Who’s next?”

“Me!” Athos replied.

“But you’re also a top”, Aramis said. “That’s a problem.”

“Not at all”, Athos said. “We can both top d’Artagnan. That way we’ll both top, and d’Artagnan will be a bottom like always. Everyone okay with this?”

“Yup”, said everyone.

D’Artagnan lied (laid? Layed? Lyed? Layd? Bouteille de Leyde?) down on the floor and waited while Athos and Aramis were 1/preparing lube and 2/praying (because Aramis prays a lot that’s canon sorry not sorry).

Then Athos started fucking d’Artagnan in an anal way while Aramis sang some latin church song or something and got his dick sucked by d’Artagnan, who was moaning a lot.

They all had violent orgasms. Then Aramis went to the window, opened it and yelled to Porthos who was still on the street:

“You should’ve come up, I had the best orgasm ever!”

“So did I!” Athos added.

“And me too”, d’Artagnan panted while putting his trousers back on.

“How do you guys like my sword?” Athos asked Aramsi and d’Artgaan.

“It looks like it cuts people in half very well, I guess”, d’Artagnan said.

“Not that sword you dumbass - my dick!”

“Aaaaaaaaah d’accord”, d’Artagnan crid out. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Youre good with it. The way you explored my rear using that tool was quite pleasurable.”

“Thank you, Sire”, Athos said, bowing.

“Now let’s leave before they find out that we’ve soiled the room’s straw floor”, Aramis suggested;

“Shit, we’ve also soiled Monsieur le Surintendant!” d’Artagana sighed.

“Who’s that?”

“Sorry, wrong story”, d’aAtrtga,a apologised.

“Let’s leave.”

And they left after paying for the room. And, like the auhtour, they were so tired from the prescribed medication that they’d just taken that they got home and feell asleep right beside their fireplaces. Unfortunately they all caught fire and died, which means that the TV show THe Musketeers shouldv’ enever existed cos they were all already dead.

THE END


End file.
